Why Do I Feel So Old? | Turning 50

Chihuahua in red sweater

Gray hair, age spots/moles, and shape shifting. This seems to describe my entire household, pets included. Now that it’s January 2017 it’s time to get reorganized again, something I do every year with only temporary success it seems, but I keep trying anyway. My husband turned 50 last year and my turn to step on that train will be this year, 2017.  He said he didn’t feel a thing, just another year like all the others.  I want to be just as accepting, so I’m promising myself I’ll work on any possible mental blocks that might prevent that from happening between now and ‘that’ day. But honestly, it’s hard not to feel old when I think about certain areas of my life that remind me that I might actually be ‘old.’

Music. I saw this issue coming years ago when I asked my oldest daughter  what she did in school that day as she came home from kindergarten.  Her answer to my question was “we listened to music on a big black CD.”  It didn’t immediately sink in, but I soon realized that she was referring to a record. And music, well, let’s just say I don’t think they make music like they used to anymore.

Fashion. This is an area I seem to have completely forgotten or cared about. I can’t wear high-heels anymore because of my back issues (broken tailbone and osteoarthritis), but this is one area of ‘old’ I think I can improve upon this year, right? All I need to do is make it more of a priority and change things up a bit. Besides, I’m not dead yet.

Fitness.  I can no longer perform the heavy duty weight lifting I used to. Not with this ol’ back. I had to change my approach to getting in my exercise.  Walking and Pilates have now become my core workout activities.  It is true that as long as my back continues to hold out I will go running and occasionally still get to the gym to lift a few weights, but I’m EXTREMELY careful when doing so. My entire approach to fitness has completely changed since my youth.

Technology. There once was a time when I used to build computers from scratch. Literally putting together all the necessary pieces to ensure I had the fastest gaming machine I could possibly afford. But now I rarely if at all ever play video games, and even when I do I would much rather play on a PC rather than a console. I suppose that’s where I’m “set in my ways.” Anymore I just want my electronic devices to work the way they’re supposed to and get frustrated when they don’t.

Social Media.  Social media is actually a bit confusing to me. Sometimes I really like it, but as an ambivert it can at times be a bit too much. It sometimes makes me feel like I’m living in a noisy world. But I love sharing photographs with people and thoroughly enjoy seeing the work of so many creatives that I find inspiring. But it seems like there is a whole new, unfamiliar language and etiquette that is needed to know in order to accurately communicate with one another.  I feel like there is just so much about it I don’t know.  That being said I try my best to keep myself engaged as best I can, but I’m pretty sure it’s far from what I suppose it should be.

So how do I not ‘feel’ so old anymore? I don’t think I can do much about the body aches and pains that come along with aging. However, thanks to a friend of mine, I recently discovered that by engaging myself in activities of exploration, a term I use broadly here, I feel younger. Maybe not physically, but emotionally and mentally.  It reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to just get on my bike and find myself exploring new areas from my home and forgetting about everything else in those moments.  I loved that feeling.  So this year my goal is quite simply to explore more and be comfortable with where I am in the aging process and just have fun with it.  So cheers to 2017 and turning 50!